Little Things...

It's always the little things you miss about a lost loved one and maybe they could be things that even irritated you at times.

I miss Paul's laugh. It was very loud and hearty and I often used to tell him to quieten it down a bit, especially if we were watching some late night comedy.
My next door neighbours have since told me how much they miss his laugh. Not half as much as me, I'll bet.

I miss him saying God bless you and the children, plus the childrens' children every night when we were lying in bed.  I miss him constantly telling me he loved me. I miss those lovely cuddles and his oh so heavy arm, around my shoulder.

He could be a little bit domineering at times, but never in a nasty way. He was just used to taking charge and getting things done. It was just his way and I miss all that.

I miss him washing up and me having to do half of it again, as his eyesight was not so good and he missed bits!  I miss how he watered down the washing up liquid, though it drove me bonkers at the time!  I miss him rubbing Vick vapour on his nose at night, as I used to joke that I was fed up with having Vic in bed with us every night and we'd both laugh about it.

I miss our trips to town most days, going in Betfred, having a modest win on a horse or dog I picked, if I liked the name. I miss his practically illegible writing on his betting slips.  Kierian mentioned it, when I popped in yesterday with a card and chocs for the staff.   It made me smile.  I miss the meals we enjoyed together in our favourite cafe - our days out on the buses. Our holidays together, that we'll never have again. I miss those simple pleasures most of all. I miss how comfortable we were together.  He always made me feel safe.

There is so much I could still say, too personal to share.  Love and miss him so much. It's so hard to bear and difficult to appear okay to other people, though I have to try to get on with the rest of my life.

Paul would not want me to be unhappy.