Christmas.

Well, it won't be the same without Paul, that's for sure. He was a real larger than life character, always the optimist and I loved him for that.

We liked doing our own thing at Christmas, opening our presents, mostly watching tv, having a good laugh, eating too much, glugging a few drinks and generally enjoying our own company.

Last year we decided to have a holiday over Christmas and went to a hotel in Wales on a coach holiday. We had a great time and  had hoped to do it again this year, but couldn't afford it in the end.  Just as well, in hindsight, as Paul became ill overnight and ended up in A&E on remembrance Sunday, when he suffered that heart attack.

Everything changed that fateful day and he was only to spend one more night with me, when he was taken ill again, after being discharged from Papworth Hospital and ended up in Bedford hospital once more.

I was too late to say goodbye to him on that awful morning on November 22nd,  when he suffered that fatal cardiac arrest.  I had a call from the hospital about 6 09am, when they told me he was very poorly, so I rang for a taxi, but he had passed by the time I arrived. He was still warm and looked like he was sleeping. I kept stroking his hair and cheek and told him I loved him and always would.

I hope he heard me.