Friday

Still in chronic pain at night, with this awful aching in my upper body, waking  every two hours, so no decent night's sleep for over 2 months now. The pain is just about bearable during the day when I'm moving about. Ibuprofen helps a bit.  GP has referred me to a rheumatologist, so at least some progress. Just waiting for an appointment now. Hope it won't be too long, so that I can get a proper diagnosis with appropriate treatment.

I've also applied to the council to have a walk in shower fitted, so on waiting list for that. The bath is getting difficult to get in  to use the overhead shower.

It's surprising how many fairly young people are suffering with various forms of arthritis. I'm on a facebook support group and so many of them are young mums. I suppose I am lucky that I was fit enough when my children were young.

This latest flare up started with no warning though and doesn't seem to be easing anytime soon,  plus I have a permanently sore throat and flu like feeling with it. Very weird. No antibiotics offered so presumably GP thinks its viral.

Of course I realise there are people much worse off than me, with chronic, incurable illnesses. I just need to know what I'm dealing with, so I can come to terms with it. I don't want to spend what time I have left in such awful pain and sleeplessness.

I'm finding it very hard to keep positive at the moment.

Autumn Once More

Seeing as it's National Poetry Day today, here is one of my old ones with an added last verse.

AUTUMN ONCE MORE

Cool and crisp is the air today,
Autumnal aromas on the breeze.
Shrubs of evergreen, all blending
with gold-flecked broad-leaf trees.

Berry-bright brown hedgerows,
a precious feast for birds to share.
Apples waiting to be harvested,
so tempting hanging there.

Cold spells will change the colours,
to Autumn glory unsurpassed.
Giving that display we love
and remember from the past.

Soon the earth will be a carpet
of russet, red and gold.
when trees shed lacy foliage
as they have, since days of old.

As Autumn heralds in the winter
with those mists and frosty morns
Time for rainbows after showers,
fire-red skies at break of dawn.

Saturday

I don't seem to be any nearer in finding out what is wrong with me, as my latest blood tests came back as normal according to the receptionist when I phoned the other day.

I feel no better and  wake every hour or so in the night in such awful pain in my upper body and nothing is helping much. It has been going on for over 6 weeks now.  I have another appointment with GP on Monday, though expect I'll be fobbed off with more pills. I'm finding it hard to get showered and dressed in the mornings. Trying to tie my long hair up with useless painful hands and arms is a nightmare, so think I will have to have it cut short.

I can really understand now why people in chronic pain wish to end their lives. Nobody should be expected to suffer and not have that choice. Let's just hope my pain is not going to be permanent then and the docs will be able to get to the cause and treat it. Not having a proper diagnosis is so frustrating.

I'm not one to give up easily and have always been a strong person, but it's getting to the stage when enough is enough.

I'm not prepared to live the rest of my life like this, if there is nothing to be done.

There,  I've said it.

Wednesday

Well, I went  to see my GP yesterday. She checked my throat and said it was a viral infection. Of course my temperature was completely normal, even though I feel that the grim reaper has earmarked me as a likely contender soon, especially at night!  I have never known pain like it. Unlike labour pains, there is no joyful end result. She also sent me for another blood test and prescribed Naproxen twice daily, which has yet to kick in. I had to take 2nd dose at 2 30am, with a couple of biscuits, as you have to take them with food, but it didn't make any difference at all. Woke up in agony every couple of hours in the night.

I eagerly await blood test results. No doubt they will show up another bout of hypocondria!!
If this agony is all in my mind it's doing a bloody excellent job..

THAT AWFUL ARTHUR RITUS

THAT AWFUL ARTHUR RITUS


He comes and he goes, but often he stays.
Ruins your life, in so many ways.
He stamps on your fingers and hammers your wrists,
sometimes the only relief, is getting well pissed!

He mangles your shoulders and bashes your neck.
Just  turning your head, will hurt like sheer heck.
He invades your sleep, makes your dreams a nightmare
and wakes you in the night, he really doesn't care.

He'll knock your tea cup right out of your hand,
he'll pummel your knees, till you barely can stand.
He'll whack your hips, he'll disfigure a limb.
Waiting for a replacement can seem pretty grim.

He's cruel, unforgiving, though sometimes seen as a joke.
He's not taken seriously, by some thoughtless folk.
Until it happens to them, when Arthur gives THEM hell.
They'll keep on saying "You look fine"
and won't believe you're unwell!
 

Sunday

How I manage to keep on waking up each morning is a miracle, seeing as I feel like death! Not that I'm getting a decent night's sleep very often for the last fortnight or so, as the pain is almost unbearable and painkillers don't do much. A glass of Scotch works better I reckon.  I never thought arthritis could be this bad. I feel like I've got the 'flu, but without the chills and sweating.  My throat is constantly sore, though I had my jab last year. Only my top half aches though which is strange. I can barely use my hands, though it does seem to ease a bit once I'm up.  I can't remember the last flare up lasting this long, or as severe.

I will make a GP appt after bank holiday Monday if I last that long...

Thursday Ramblings

Physically today I feel about a hundred, with this awful arthritis, but all I can do is to keep going, plus keep taking the painkillers.  Today however,  I am going back to bed for a while with a hot water bottle, as this seems to ease my painful hands and wrists.

Hopefully,  I will feel better by the weekend. I wanted to get out and do things in the garden today, but just not up to it. Pity, as it looks nice out there.

Best laid plans and all that...